


Broken

by AndreBecker



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-03-08 15:17:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18897259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreBecker/pseuds/AndreBecker
Summary: Jon Snow go North with the widlings, trying to deal with what happened in Kings Landing. A new start in life ? A way to avoid his still open injuries ?Beyond the wall, he might not escape his past, for both his sadness and happiness.





	1. Escape

**Author's Note:**

> Something I wanted to write after I saw the final. I'm not english native so there are certainly some mistakes !

He had now no doubt. It was the last time he saw it. The wall. The North. The seven kingdoms. Tyrion was mistaken, they will not see each other again. Oddly, he did not feel sad. He did not want to know what the seven kingdoms will become in the future. He did not want to know if it was right or wrong to kill Dany. His heart aches thinking of the blood running from her nose, her mouth. Surrounded by wildings, his heart aches remembering Ygritte. For once, with Dany, he had believed he would be able to love. But like the first time, it was not possible, not even because it was his aunt, but because it was clear she was dangerous. He cannot convince himself she was mad. If she was, how he could even be sure she loved him? Deeply in his heart, he knew from the beginning he bended the knee because he was in love with her. 

…

“ Will you one day confess to me why they send you North ?”  
“ They did not say it to you ?”  
“ I heard rumors, but…”  
“ It’s true I’m afraid”  
Tormund did not answer. Both of them were watching the mountains, north, not saying a word.  
“ Why did you come with us ? You know you may not be able to go again south the wall”  
“ I don’t want to”  
“ Your sisters ? Your brother ?”  
“ No.”  
“ It was less difficult when Ygritte died.”  
“ I did not kill Ygritte !”  
He stood up and begun to walk away. His eyes were wet.  
Tormund knew that duty was the core of Jon’s life. He admired him for that. But, now, he did not understand him anymore. He had let him come with them because he was, in some ways, a wilding too. He hoped he will completely be one of them one day. Now he feels Jon was just escaping. It makes him sad, and maybe a bit angry. He knew Jon was a broken man. Almost every adult, even child, were broken here. They had been too close to death. However, he did not like broken man who did not try to heal their injuries. 

… 

“Yes, like that. You are talented children.”

Jon smiled. They were fighting with wood swords, quite well actually. For three months now, he gave the children lessons. It made him forget, a bit. However, deeply in his heart, he wanted it to be only a game for them, not a pretext for a war. He believed Tormund understood it well. War was not necessary anymore; only a few of them had survived. The Night King has killed most of them, beyond the wall, in the North or during the battle. Their little community was made of one hundred people maximum.  
“Lord Jon !” 

It was a little boy, only 6 or 7, Jon cannot say, but he was the most gifted with a sword. The way he called him, with admiration in his ton, made him smile. 

“Did I fight well ?”  
“Yes, but, you know, you have still a lot to learn. You should… I will show you, I…”  
“Actually, I am a bit tired, but… can I ask you something?”  
“Of course, yes”  
“I know you’re a lord, even a king, I heard, why did you come with us ? Are we still in danger here ? Are you here to defend us ? Both my mother and my father died, and I don’t want to die.”  
“Don’t worry, there is no danger anymore. I’m just here because… like you, I have lost a lot of people I loved a lot, so I came with you…to find a new family.”  
“You will not die then ?”  
“No, I will not.”  
“Because sometimes, I dream of my father, I dream he learn to me how to fight. And… you teach me how to fight, so…”  
His cheeks became red. He seems so ashamed. Jon gave him a little smile.  
“I understand. I will continue to teach you how to fight then.”  
The child nodded.  
“And, I am sure your father would be so proud of you. You’re doing great.”

The child looked away. Finally, he run to his friends who had abandoned the sword for a snow battle. Jon thought about his father, Ned Stark. He treated him like his son, learning to him how to be a proper fighter. He had always been a model for Jon. Maybe this boy saw Jon as a model as well. He did not know if he wanted it or not, being a model. It made him feel so sad, thinking about the man he could have become, if only he had seen it coming, if only he had been able to love her properly, to give her enough security to stay alive despite all the losses she endured. It was a way to stop hating himself too much, believing that she died the minute she decided to burn all these innocents. It was not him who killed her, not really. He heard the laugh of the children, watching this little boy playing. He left to his tent. No, he will not be a model. He cannot. It is why he did not stay in the Night’s watch. He cannot be a hero. This time, he thought about Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen. They died because of their love, and so many people died because of their selfishness. Maybe it had to be this way for him, their son, whom destiny is to abandon or be a traitor for each person he might love. He cannot risk it again, even for this boy. 

He entered his tent, where his direwolf was laying, and put Longclaw on the furs. 

“Ghost, come on, I want to show you a place.”


	2. Dream

“You’re nothing for no one on this earth. Even your little brother sends you to the Night’s watch to punish you. You don’t have any family left. You are so alone!”

Jon was trying to wake up but he was caught in his dream. He did not see the face of the woman speaking. 

“You can’t escape ! You tried, but I will follow you even in your dreams !”

However, he recognizes too well her voice.   
He felt Ghost lap his cheeks. 

“You could have been happy with me, but you were too selfish for that. You abandon all our dreams, the magnificence of our history, of our family, for a too modest world, a world where fantastic has disappeared. My brother would have been ashamed of his son. You definitively killed the dragon. Maybe it is glorious for a Stark, but it is a felony for a Targaryen !”  
“ I never wanted to be a Targaryen !”

He heard himself scream. She turned. He saw her face now. Even the blood still running from her nose and her mouth did not fade her beauty. 

“You were the only hope of my family, my only hope.”

Small tears were flowing on her cheeks. 

“You were my sole family and my sole love. Maybe, with you, I could have been… maybe I was actually, I did not had time to check.”

She put an hand on her flat belly, and she sadly smiled. 

Jon couldn’t. He couldn’t see her, he couldn’t listen to her, he couldn’t understand what she was saying. 

“Stop !”   
“It is so easy to say stop, Jon.”

He couldn’t.   
Suddenly, he woke up, breathing soundly. His heart was beating so quickly. Ghost stood just beside him. He had slept in this cave. He came once here. It was with Ygritte. All of this seems so old, almost inexistent. 

“Come on, Ghost, we’ll come out of here.”

…

He was walking, not even knowing where he was going. He left two days ago the camp, without his sword, without food or water. At this time, he had only one idea: leaving the world, which would certainly be a better place without him. Now, he did not know. He was not hungry or thirsty, not even sad or tired. He was just walking. Maybe he was already dead? Death is quite sweet then. No more dreams, no more memories to haunt him, no more queenslayer, even. 

…

He loved flying. It was like something was fully accomplished inside him. Rhaegal, the dragon named after his father. He felt each of its gesture, its bravery, its fears. He was not a friend, not like Ghost. He was more an ally, and in some ways a continuation of himself. He knew when Rhaegal died. He experienced a new sensation, like a part of himself was missing. At this precise moment, he understood what it means to be a Targaryen. 

He was on the top of the cliff. A centimeter ahead and he would fall. A deadly fall for sure. He watched the amazing landscape. He remembered the last time he kissed Dany with the hope of a sweet future with her. He never spoke of this hope with someone, because it was so foolish to think of such a future while they were facing two wars. They were in a fantastic landscape too. 

However, the past has melted.   
Jon was not dead. 

He was hungry and sad. He drunk a little by eating snow. It made him sick. Now, he knew the only solution will be death. 

He had loved flying. Jumping will be not so different, no ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite short, but I have ideas for others !


	3. Guardian

He was sure of his choice. He was going to jump. Now. 

“Are you crazy ?”

Jon turned round. He was sure he had been alone. It was a woman. He was not able to remember her name. She was quite young, around eighteen years old. 

“I was not searching for you.”

Jon gave her a questioning look. 

“I don’t want you to be mistaken.”

“I was not.”

“You are not so important for us, you know. Only Tormund was worried because you were not coming back.”

Jon nodded. 

“So, I can jump and you will comfort Tormund ?”

Her eyes opened wide. Before Jon could do anything, she was taking her arm and leading him away the cliff. He did not try to resist. He was so tired of everything: his body, his mind, his soul. 

“I believe Tormund knew you will not come back. He had been comparing you with a ghost.”

Jon heard her chuckle a little. 

“ But it was like a mission for him, taking care of you.”

… 

It was like he had an armor on his eyes. He tried to open them, but everything was so heavy. Even breathing seemed almost impossible. 

“ I cannot believe he did that to me.”

“Stop, let him sleep.”

Jon heard the voices, understanding they were speaking about him, but he was still unable to catch who was speaking. 

“ He is such a coward ! I believed he was as brave as any wilding. No, he is really from the south.”

Jon laughed a little bit. And suddenly, he saw the light of the day, and the red hair of Tormund and another wildling. 

“ You were insulting me !”

“Jon ?”

The wilding just jumped on Jon and gave him a big hug. 

“He will suffocate !”

Jon recognized the voice of the woman who saved him on the cliff. When Tormund pulled away, he was able to ask: 

“What happened ?”

“ You just tried to kill yourself.”

The woman was quite cynic and Jon did not knew how to take that. 

“But fortunately, I saved you.”

“Thank you”

“ I warn you. I pledged myself when I was a little girl that I will never save a man from the south. I broke my promise once, it will not happen a second time.”

“Why did you save me ?”

“I was hunting, I saw you, and I do not like watching people die.”

On this word, she came out of the tent.   
Jon tried to sleep again, even if Tormund kept saying only alcohol could help him now. He wanted to sleep, so much. 

…

 

Jon was still healing in his tent. Three days had passed since he was brought back from the cliff where he hoped to jump.   
He heard steps outside his tent. 

“ Can I come in ?”

It was the same wilding woman. She has always this both unbearable and quite amusing sarcastic tone in her voice. 

“ I just wanted to check if you did not tried to eat some poisoned bays. 

“ I thought you wouldn’t save me a second time.”

“ I reconsidered it. I did not know you were the one. With Ygritte.”

Jon coughed a little. 

“Who spoke to you about Ygritte ?”

“Some people were discussing the reasons you had tried to kill yourself, whether it was because of love or of power. A woman said you lost twice women you loved, and she mentioned Ygritte.”

“ Did you know her ? Ygritte ?”  
“  
Yes. Besides, I personally think it is for power you wanted to die, because you were not able to take the throne, even if you killed the woman everyone was afraid of, which was also the woman you claimed to love. ”

“How did you know her ?”  
“You are not paying attention on what I said ? She was my sister.”

Jon did not respond to her question. He wanted to forget this damned throne, and he was quite surprised to learn that Ygritte had a sister. For him, she had no family except the Free folk.

“You do not look like her. Except you hair maybe.”

“We did not have the same father. I took after him, I think.”

“You know… how she died ?”

“ I imagine. I saw her once, before they attacked Castle Black. I said to her it was a suicide mission. And she never came back, so it was quite easy to guess what had been her fate. We weren’t so closed. She often said I was not enough brave because I didn’t wanted to fight.”

She sat and open the knapsack she brought. She took from it some dried meat and a slice of bread. 

“It will help you. To recover.”

Jon did not make a move. 

“ You should take it. There is an old tale here: anybody who saved someone who had tried to kill himself is cursed. If the person he saved kill himself after, he might die in awful pain. So must look after you.”

Jon glanced at her and took the bread from her hand. 

“You are afraid to die in awful pain ?”

“ I’m not brave enough I’m afraid. I have always dream of a peaceful life you know.”

“Then, you will never be able to keep your promise. You are condemned to save me until my natural death. Why did you say you will not save me a second time ?”

Jon smiled to her frankly, amused by this woman, both so naïve about old tales and so sarcastic. 

“I just said that to frighten you. I can be quite intimidating you know.”

“Undoubtedly.”

Jon had been eating the bread, and then the meat, while the wilding girl was still sitting on the flour, sharpening an arrow with her knife. She raised her head. 

“Nothing left ? I think I can go then.”

“ Wait. I did not ask you your name.”

“Anna.”

“Thank you for everything.”

She nodded. 

She headed out of the tent when she stopped. 

“Did you see Ygritte ? When she attacked Castle Black ?”

“She died in my arm.”

“She… she did not say it to you ?”

Jon raised his eyebrow, not understanding what she was speaking about. 

“Forget it. It is not so important. I will come tomorrow and bring you some food. Do not try to flee.”

As she opened the tent, a flow of glacial air dived into the tent.


	4. I can't

He hadn’t any injuries, physically at least. However he was not able to stay up more than four or five hours each day. He could name it know, a suicide attempt. But he was aware it helped him somehow. Now, he accepted his emotions, and finally he was able to sleep without dreaming of Daenerys, saying to him she loved him, or she was pregnant.   
He was quite alone, but it was for the better. He needed time for his own introspection, he needed to understand what happened to him since he met Daenerys, since the day he was resurrected. He must understand which game the Gods were playing with him, why he was still alive while he apparently had completed his missions.   
Anna was coming each day, they did not spoke so much, but she was quite clever and funny. It was nice to have someone who can make you laugh without being too direct. Tormund came also, at the beginning to give him alcohol and to describe quite frankly the women who would be interested in knowing him better. Now, he was just asking if he was OK, clueless about what might make him better. 

“Jon!”

He saw a red radiance appearing in his tent. 

“It has been almost two weeks now. I think you could try to come out, to eat with us around the fire. The children are waiting for you, they miss your sword lessons." 

Jon smiled. Maybe he would see that little boy again. After all, it was him who provoked Jon’s departure and finally that scene on the cliff. 

Anna was looking at him with her sparkling eyes. She was reminding Arya. 

“What ?” 

She gave him a strange look. 

“What what ?” 

“Why are you staring at me like that ?”

“It just… you look like my sister.”

Anna seemed both proud and disappointed. 

“You miss her ?”

“Aye, a long time ago, I left her when she was still a child. I thought I will never see her again. I thought she was dead. And just before the dead attacked Winterfell… well, she was there. This time, it was not my choice to leave, maybe I am nostalgic.”

Anna did not respond, but she knew of who Jon was thinking. He had always the same sad look in his eyes, filled with both love and regret, when he was thinking of her. The dragon queen. 

“Just come then. I am sure, soon, you will not be nostalgic anymore.”

Anna gave him a knowing look. Jon did not know what he should understand. Part of him wanted to live fully here. However, he had this feeling his heart will never heal, this feeling he would never be able to love again. 

…

“You came finally ?”

“I was afraid the others would threaten you if you were not able to bring me out of my tent.”

She answered with a shy smile, and she chuckled a little. Jon could see her cheeks becoming pinker. 

“Sound like you are also taking care of me now.”

Jon knew she was flirting with him. And maybe him with her a little, too. It seemed so relieving. Discovering a simple, peaceful life he never had. 

…

“Jon? Do you want to have a walk with me? I have some rabbit trap to check.”

Anna was, like always, sitting on the flour, sewing this time. 

“It could be good, you know, to walk a little. Helping you to recover completely.”

Jon nodded. With Anna, he did not have to take care of anything. She was almost mothering him, giving him food, advising him on what to do to feel better. 

“I take that for a yes?”

She put all her stuff in her knapsack and almost jumped of excitement. 

“Come on, I don’t want the rabbits to escape !”

“I am still convalescing, you know.”

“Stop lying. I heard you are one of the best fighters of Westeros.”

“Aye, I have to surrender.”

… 

Jon knew what game he was playing with this girl, barely adult. It made him alive. Again.   
They caught four or five rabbits. Jon was surprised how quickly the fauna had recovered after the reign of the Night King. Suddenly he heard Anna scream in surprise. 

“What’s going on ?”

“Jon ! Look !”

“What ?”

“On my arm.”

Jon came closer, and saw it. A small yellow butterfly. 

“Did winter already end ?”

“Maybe.”  
He turned his face and smiled to her. 

She came closer. Jon worked out what she was going to do. Her lips were almost on his. 

But it was too soon. And… 

“Sorry. I can’t.”

He backed off a little. Anna looked both surprised and angry. 

“Why ? After all the time we spend together, I thought… Do you still like her ? The dragon queen ?”

“I’m so sorry. I can’t. I can’t love you this way.”

“ Am I too young ?”

“It is not that, It’s just my heart Anna, I can’t. You know I love you, but…”

“Like a sister, that is ?”

She gave him an angry look. She cannot hide her deception. 

“Farewell Jon Snow.”

She began to walk away, and Jon stood alone in the wood, one rabbit in his hand. He was so sorry, for her, for himself.


	5. Discoveries

There were some flowers breaking the frost on the ground. Winter did not last this time. Was the victory against the dead which brought so quickly spring? Jon did not know, but it was certain it will help them to survive. Ghost was following him, like always since this day on the cliff. He did not see Anna since yesterday, when she tried to kiss him. She did not come this morning to ask him how he was and make him eat a little. Jon could not be mad. She was young, she wanted to live. 

He headed back to the camp. He saw Tormund coming to meet him. 

“So, Anna is not with you… It’s surprising, I thought she would never let you alone.”

He gave to Jon a strange look. 

“What did you do to her, boy?”

“Nothing.”

“I see. This kind of girl don’t like when a man they like do “nothing” to them.”

Jon laughed a little. 

“She’s still a kid. She reminds me of Arya. I can’t imagine Arya…”

“You’re not imagining well, Jon. Neither Arya nor Anna are kids. But I assume it’s difficult to understand for you because it means you’re not a young man anymore.”

Jon knew it was true. He had fought so much, lost too much. He felt like an elderly. 

“So, you did not see Arya with that man…” Tormund teased Jon

“What man ?”

“Your friend, the blacksmith who run quickly”

Jon cannot hide his surprise. 

“I assume Arya is an adult then.”

“She killed the Night King.”

“True. But… I did not think she has grown also… this way”

“Welcome to the world of grown men.”

Tormund gave him an amused glimpse. 

“But don’t forget that it does not mean you cannot have fun and even have a fresh start in life.”

Tormund embraced him and headed to a tent where, obviously, something or someone was waiting for him. 

Jon wanted to have the same amount of hope, but he knew something was irreparable in his heart. He knew he might be not able to love anymore. Since he had attempted to kill  
himself, he was living from day to day, uncapable of looking again to his life as a whole. Anna had been distracting, nice, many things he would have liked. But everything was so different now. He cannot hurt another person. He lost all the self-confidence he had based on his honor, since he broke it that damned day in the throne room of the Red Keep. 

He entered his tent and sat on the cold floor, Ghost near him. He watched his sword. Maybe he could teach again to the children how to fight? At this moment, he heard a noise outside his tent. Did Anna finally come back? He was surprised when he saw a little girl coming inside his tent. 

“I’m sorry but I’m hungry.”

Jon was so surprised he did not know how to respond to that. The little girl looked at him, her face almost covered by a too large fur hood. 

“You don’t know where your mom is?”

“I have no mom.”

Jon looked sadly at the child who did not seem so traumatized about it. 

“But I had two mom you know! And I hope I will have a third soon! How much moms do you have?”

He smiled at her. 

“Only the one who gave birth to me. But she died soon after.”

“Mine too. My auntie always says to me she was a fierce fighter.”

“Do you have a father?”

“No father. My second mother always said fathers are annoying. Did you have one?”

“Yes. And he was nice. Not so annoying.”

But a liar. Even if it was to protect him. 

“You were lucky then.”

He smiled. Yes, in spite of everything, he had been lucky. 

“So, you are hungry, and you do not know how to find food?”

“I know where I can find food. But my auntie made a promise to me: she said she will bring me my favorite dish… but I can’t find her!”

Jon nodded, still dubious on the reasons which brought her here. 

“Do you think you could find her in my tent?”

“Yes.”

Her aunt could be… 

“My auntie is Anna. I know she come to see you often because she saved your life. I wanted to know if you know where she is. And yesterday, she looked sad: do you know why?  
Because I hope she will be soon my third mother, so I cannot let someone make her unhappy.”

“Why would I make her unhappy?”

“My second mom always said men are made to make women unhappy.”

Jon couldn’t help but laugh. He was quite impressed by this child, and surprised that Anna never spoke about her, her own niece, the daughter of… No. It was impossible. 

“How old are you?”

“Four” she said nonchalantly. 

Before Jon could answer or even process the information, she exclaimed:

“You have a dire wolf!”

She ran to Ghost and her hood felt on her shoulders. Then Jon could not move. The little girl had long silver hair, so much like Daenerys. Except her grey eyes, and…

She asked Jon:

“What is his name?”

At this time, he realized how much the little girl looked like Ygritte, for her nose to the form of her face, except her hair and the color of her eyes. He almost jumped while standing up. 

“You needed to search your auntie Anna?”

“Yes! Do you were she is?”

“I don’t, but I think, together, with my dire wolf Ghost, it will be easy to find her.”

“So, his name is Ghost. I love that name.”

Without asking anything, the child took Jon’s hand. 

At this moment, Jon could only tighten his hold on the girl’s hand. He was unable to think. He knew nothing about this child, not her name, and still ten minutes ago, not even her existence. Why Anna did not tell him?


	6. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this late update ! Too much of work these last weeks... I hope I will be able to update at least once a week now

“She is here !” 

Indeed, Jon could see Anna, installing some traps for animals.   
The girl let Jon’s hand and ran to Anna. 

“Auntie ! You’re a liar ! You said you…”

“Shhh little girl. Sorry. But you know you could ask anybody to give you food…”

“But I wanted you to do it !”

Jon caught the grin on Anna ‘s face. Apparently, Anna did not want to have too much importance in this child’s life. 

“I know. Another day maybe? And… how did you come here alone?”

“I was not alone. I met you friend Jon and he helped me to find you in the forest!”

“Jon. Where is he ?”

The girl pointed Jon out. Jon could guess Anna was a bit afraid. She could not hide the secret anymore.   
Their gaze met, and Jon calmed down. Anna walked to him and seemed sorry. She could be. 

“Thank you. For taking care of her.”

Anna still looked sad saying these words.

“I think we should come back to the camp and speak.”

She nodded. 

“Elvil ! Come on, are you hungry or not ?”

The little girl, who was playing with some branches, headed to them. And this was how Jon Snow knew his daughter’s name. 

 

***

 

Elvil was avidly drinking her soup, surrounded by other children. Anna was trying to escape but Jon caught her. 

“I think I have the right to have some answers. Since the child is Yrgitte’s daughter.”

Anna turned to face him, some tears in her eyes. 

“You understood that it is likely Elvil was conceived when you and Ygritte… were together.”

“Yes. And I think it is a quite good reason to…”

“But you know she can’t be your daughter ?”

Jon suddenly did not understand anything. He was unable to answer. Why she could not be his daughter ? Did Ygritte have another lover ? 

“You saw her hair, don’t you ?”

“Yes”

“ I don’t know with who she could have this baby, but silver hair… Before, I thought you were her father. Jon Snow… You could have been one with white hair. But I saw you, and I knew it was impossible.”

Jon was almost laughing.

“So you assumed she is not my daughter… because of her hair ? Only ?”  
“Yes.”

“Then she is my daughter.”

Obviously, Anna did not know what to answer. 

“My…my birth father had silver hair. Just like Elvil. I took after my mother.”

Anna almost jumped in Jon’s harm. 

“Thank you so much, I’m so revieled. I’m sorry, I was so afraid. I…”

“Shhh, everything is clear now.”

Anna pulled out, Jon quite relieved of it. 

“You know, before we parted, and just before she died, Ygritte said to me that I “knew nothing”. I did not understand. She spoke about the baby, I’m sure.”

“I don’t think so. Ygritte did not know she was pregnant until she gave birth.”

Jon frowned. He did not know so much about women being pregnant, but he remembered well Catelyn Stark and her growing belly when she was expecting. It was more than visible, at least at the end.

“ It happened some times, I heard. When a woman do not want a child, her body just adapt, the baby hide until birth. But often, babies did not develop well, are tiny and died quickly. Elvil was so small all the women said she will die soon. Above all, Ygritte left just after giving birth and did not give a look to the baby.”

Jon was still under shock, and what Anna just add did not helped him so much. Only two words came through his mind. 

“Thank you, thank you so much. For taking care of her.”

“I was not there when Ygritte gave birth. Actually, she went to a camp near the wall. I was higher in north at this time. But a woman who adopted Elvil asked Ygritte before she left if she had family. She spoke about me. So when Elvil was well enough, she try to find me. Elvil was one year old when I met her. This woman said to me she was the fiercest little baby she ever saw. She should have died you know.”

“Aye. This woman, the one who came to find you, she died?”

“Yes. She was attacked by White walkers. Some of us managed to escape, I was a part of them, with Elvil.”

Jon searched Elvil. She was now playing, laughing loudly. 

“I am quite tired; I will go back to my tent. Thank you for everything, really.”

He gave a shy smile to Anna. 

“I am the one who should thank you. Elvil will be so happy to have a father.”

Jon could not respond. He just headed back to his tent, drowned by the too high amount of emotions of this day. 

 

***

 

He did not manage to sleep. He could not stop thinking of Elvil. Part of him was ashamed he did not know about her before. Part of him never wanted to discover her. Now, his life has a new meaning, while he had promised himself he would never marry or have a child. Dany was the only one with who he had fancied such a future. When he killed her, he knew he would died with her, he knew his life was cursed from the beginning. But now ? Now, the Gods were playing a strange game with him. Had he the right to live again, to love again? Could he have the simple life he had often dreamt of? 

Or maybe it was a part of his curse. He had alone what Dany had always dream of, a living human child. Elvil was the living proof of his treason. Living alone with no one to love him had been for him the only to forgive himself for what he did. Now, he was not able anymore to forgive himself. Because he had someone to love, and a chance to be happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe another chapter !


End file.
